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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.