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Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
You look like I need another drink
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.