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After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
In space they just call it "Jam"
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.