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According to my nipples, summer is over
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
If I owned a copy shop, Iād only hire identical twins to work there.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.