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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.