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I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.