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The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.