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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
I fake my LOLs
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.