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This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.