Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops