Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is