Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
Never judge a girl`s boob size by their jacket.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.