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Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.