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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.