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I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.