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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.