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How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.