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My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.