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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....