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I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.