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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...