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there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?