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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"