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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.