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Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.