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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
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Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …