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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
I`m introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.