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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.