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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Plan B includes margaritas.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.