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We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.