Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.