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Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Iām always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.