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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
gua suka sama kamu