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It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?