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I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Match dot com, but for socks.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"