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Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.