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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."