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I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.