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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
life is short play naked
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.