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There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!