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I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page