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I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude