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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there