Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?