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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.