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Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
exercise........you mean extra fries
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.