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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"