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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
A wise man, will often say nothing
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.