Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.