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Will be drunk until further notice.
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.