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Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
The secret to success is in my bra.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.