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When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!!!!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.