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Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.