Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi