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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.