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It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
pudding... thats always a funny word
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
u cant spell awesome without me
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.