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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch