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BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.