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If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.