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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.