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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.