Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?