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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.