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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.