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Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.