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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Insert coin to view my status message.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone