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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
AWESOME!
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.