Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.