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You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
Life is fun! You should get one.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.