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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car