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Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.