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Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light