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There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.