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When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.