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I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
about love
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.