Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.