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I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
This day needs more tomfoolery!
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.