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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
You make me want to be a drunker person
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!