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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards