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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?